my broken heart

On January 18th my heart shattered into a million pieces, I found out my 23 week old baby boy whom I’d felt move inside me and already loved with all my heart was dead.  The next day I had to do the impossible, I had to deliver him.

I remember hearing about one of my sister’s friends losing her babies and thinking ‘that can’t happen to me I’ve already been through so much, I’ve already had to fight so hard for my children!’.  I don’t think like that anymore.  I am forever changed.  I see differently.  I love differently.  In some ways I’ve learned more of what it means to be a mother and love unconditionally in the death of my son than in the lives of my two children.  Some of the most beautiful lessons in life are learned through the hardest experiences.

My heart is broken and may be forever, I’m okay with that.  I am in the process of rebuilding it.  I feel that there are two paths I can choose in this reconstruction.  I can choose to become a hardened, bitter, cynical person, or I can choose to be a more loving, giving, compassionate one. Each day I have to fight for the latter.  Some days I succeed and other days I fail miserably.

Stillborn baby boy

A week ago Friday the 18th I received some very heartbreaking news.  The baby boy I was carrying had died, I was 23 weeks along.  On Saturday, the next day, I had to deliver him.  As you can imagine this has been very devastating and heartbreaking to me and my family.

I will be taking a break from blogging to grieve and try to heal.

 

lamb pull toy

My daughter Maja loves to push and pull her toys around, so naturally she needed to have a little pull toy of her own.  Recently we celebrated Maja’s second Birthday and as one of her gifts I made her a lamb pull toy.

If you’d like to make a lamb pull toy here’s what you’ll need:

* a drill with 1/4 inch and 3/16 inch drill bit

* hot glue, stik’n seal indoor adhesive and wood glue

* scissors

* 1/2 a yard of cream faux fur fabric

* a small piece of cream felt for the face and black felt for the nose

* two plastic black eyes

* a styrofoam egg shape for the head and two styrofoam rectangular pieces for the body

*  1/2 inch thick piece of pine wood approximately 5.5 x 32 inches for the toy base

* approximately 3/4 of an inch thick dowel for the legs

* a small piece of vegetable-tanned leather for the collar

* paint brushes

* red acrylic paint for the leather collar

* black acrylic paint for the legs

* mint green acrylic paint for the wheels and base

* 4, 1/4 inch thick dowel pins

* 4 wooden wheels

* 4, 1/4 inch thick wooden axels

* 34 inches of ribbon or twine for the leash

* batting

Here are the steps to making your own lamb pull toy.  I got some great tips on making a pull toy from Martha Stewart.

Step 1.  Cut the pine wood approximately 11.5 inches long for the base and the dowel into 4, 4 inch pieces for the legs (I used a banned saw to cut them).  Sand the edges.  With the 1/4 inch drill bit drill into the center of each of the legs.  Glue (wood glue) the dowel pins into the wooden legs.  With the 1/4 inch drill bit, drill the holes on the base for the legs.  With the 3/16 inch drill bit, drill the sides of the base for the wheels.  It’s important to have the wheels fit tightly.

Step 2.  Paint the base and wheels in the mint green paint.  Paint the axels white.  Tape off and paint the bottom of the sheep legs about 1/2 of an inch in the black paint.

Step 3.  Carve the styrofoam egg into the head for the sheep.  Carve the two styrofoam rectangular pieces into sheep’s body.  Glue (stik’n seal glue) the pieces together (you may want to use a skewer to attach the head to the body.  I wrapped some batting around the neck.

Step 4.  With the felt and the faux fur sew together the ears and the tail.  Stuff with the batting.

Step 5.  Glue (wood glue) the legs into the base.  Insert the wheels and axels into the sides of the base You may need drill the holes slightly bigger than the 3/16 inches, so that the axels will fit.  Don’t drill them 1/4 inch or the wheels will fall off when pulling the toy.

Step 6.  With both glues (stik’n seal and hot glue), attach and shape the felt around the face, cutting a small hole for the eyes.  Glue and insert the eyes into the felt and styrofoam.  Cut a small piece of black felt in the shape of a rounded triangle and glue on as the nose.  Attach the ears.  Wrap and glue the faux fur onto the sheep, attaching in pieces.  I also filled the body with extra batting, to make the sheep extra round.  Attach the tail.  Cut the vegetable tanned leather into a thin rectangle for the collar, paint it red and glue around the neck of the sheep.

Step 7.  Glue (stik’n seal and hot glue) the body onto the legs.  Drill a hole straight through the base for the leash.  Tie the ribbon through the hole for the leash and you’re finished!

This was quite an involved project and I definitely need to work on my fabric wrapping and toy making skills, but the look on Maja’s face when she saw her little lamb made it all worth it.  She loves to pull it around all over the house and every once in a while I mistake it for our dog Hazel.

 

 

Maja’s second Birthday

The beginning of this month we celebrated my daughter Maja’s second Birthday.  As is our tradition, I had her Birthday table ready for her when she woke up, decorated with party accessories,  her gifts and her cake.  It was so fun to see the joy and excitement on her face.

This year I kept her party really simple, inviting the Grandparents and serving root beer and chocolate cake.  Maja really enjoyed eating her own large slice.

It was so fun to watch her open her presents.  We gave her a lot of books (most were in German), each book she looked at carefully, turning the pages as if she were reading.  It’s so fun to see how maternal she is with her dolls, giving them their bottles and holding them like a baby.  I was especially excited for her to see the sheep pull toy that I made for her and barely finished it in time for the party.  Tomorrow I will share the tutorial.

Check out Minted’s blog Julep for more photos of her party and the party accessories I used.

Anders and Oliver’s room part 2: Storage and art display, and play space

I am excited to share with you part 2 of Anders and Oliver’s room tour.  As you can see from the before pictures below I had a nice clean slate to work with.

Sage and Tim have an amazing and large collection of art that they have received from their friends (who are artists).  I thought it would be nice to showcase the art together on one wall.  I also found some sepia toned vintage photographs that worked perfectly with our outdoor/vintage theme.  The art in a child’s room can elevate their room and make it feel like a room they can grow in to.  By placing the art together in a gallery wall, the eye is imediately drawn to the art.  For tips on how to hang your own gallery wall click here.

The boys needed storage for their toys that could be easily accessible.  Two Stuva benches from ikea were a perfect fit.  The boys are able to sit and play on top of the benches and easily slide the drawers open where all of their toys are stored.  I found the large globe and the first aid box at thrift stores, but you can find something similar here and here.

Anders and Oliver are very active little boys who enjoy drawing, dressing up and going on adventures, so naturally they needed a tepee for planning their adventures.  Sage did such a great job making the tepee out of pvc pipes and a drop cloth from the hardware store.  I don’t know which tutorial she used but here’s one from Smile and Wave that looks fairly easy to follow.  To make the pvc pipes look like wood Sage wrapped them in brown twine.

We wanted to personalize the storage benches a bit more so we added the mini build a tree and the mini forest critters wall stickers from Love Mae mixed with washi tape.

Sage already had the darling vintage Fisher Price A frame home, but you can find an exact one here.

I made up my own pattern for the campfire pillow but I got the idea and copied it exactly from Vintage Junky.

Sage did such an amazing job working on so many projects to get this room finished, she was so wonderful and fun to work with.

Photographer Carolee Beckham took all the pictures.  She captured the room and the boys perfectly.  I had such a hard time editing all the photos because there were SO many great ones to choose.  I particularly love the pictures she took of Sage and the boys in the tepee.

Next week I will be posting part 3!  If you would like to see part 1 click here.